This poem is unfinished and disturbing me to complete. I welcome your feedback and critique. – Crystal
“You sit at the board and suddenly your heart leaps. Your hand trembles to pick up the piece and move it. But what chess teaches you is that you must sit there calmly and think about whether it’s really a good idea and whether there are other, better ideas.” ― Stanley Kubrick, filmmaker, director of Eyes Wide Shut and avid chess player
Just as sure as I suspect that the reality of one night, even the reality of a whole lifetime, isn’t the whole truth.” – Dream Story (1926) by Aurthur Schnitzler (Dream Story is the novella Eyes Wide Shut is based on)
There are those people who are catfish in life. And they keep you on your toes. They keep you guessing, they keep you thinking, they keep you fresh. And I thank god for the catfish because we would be droll, boring and dull if we didn’t have somebody nipping at our fin. Vince Pierce, Catfish the documentary (2010)
I compose text messages.
Choreograph photos only to delete these explanations, expressions of my wit, desire and sorrow.
I purge them into diluted thoughts that finally
purposefully and prayerfully with intention I send.
A chess move.
I leap into the fear of the thing I want most,
a response to make it real.
There is joy and terror, a sweet seduction in watching your every move.
I play to make this dream, real again.
I sacrifice my pawns.
I want you to want me.
I let you take my bishop.
I need to stop swimming in illusions.
I move with a lonely knight.
Are we catfish?
I debate my truths in untruths. Sitting calmly in the net on the checker board. A fish caught, struggling in the wonder of what I really am? I can do nothing but think, my next move. There must be a better idea of how to escape thinking of other, better ideas that will start the game again, before. I had this ache, this hook in my mouth.
I conjure poems that you will never read. Poems are magic for strategy and escape. I dangle, suspended and castling. I am awake sleeping in the next room. You are a Master player watching me toss and turn in my weaknesses. My needy needless logic. I played you with my eyes shut.
I tick and tock feeling for my next move until you the King with no words finally made yours, a reply.